The Nervous System
The Window of Tolerance
The Window of Tolerance is a helpful model for understanding how your nervous system responds to stress, grief, and trauma. Originally developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, it describes the range of emotional and physiological states where we feel safe, connected, and able to cope with life’s challenges.
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When we’re within our window, we can think clearly, feel our emotions, and respond in balanced ways.
But when we’re pushed outside of that window — by a traumatic event, chronic grief, or even daily overwhelm — our system shifts into survival mode.
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When We Are Outside Our Window of Tolerance
When the nervous system senses too much stress or threat, it can shift outside the window of tolerance into one of two protective states — each with its own emotional and physical patterns.
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Hyperarousal - the fight-or-flight response. You may feel anxious, restless, overwhelmed, or emotionally flooded
Your body is on high alert, prepared to run or defend.
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Hypoarousal - the freeze or collapse response. You may feel numb, exhausted, shut down or disconnected. Your system is trying to protect you by powering down.
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When you've experienced deep loss or trauma, it’s common to move outside your window of tolerance — sometimes multiple times a day — without even realizing it. Understanding this framework helps you respond to your emotional state with compassion, not judgment. You're not "too much" when you're overwhelmed.
You're not "lazy" when you feel numb. You're navigating a nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do.
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With both hyperarousal and hypoarousal, you are experiencing a biological and psychological response to having carried too much for too long. This state can be confusing and even shame-inducing — especially in a world that praises high performance and emotional resilience. But your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do when it perceives a threat has gone on too long.
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The goal is not to shut down these responses, but to learn how to regulate them gently — inviting your body back into safety and presence.
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Hypoarousal
Hypoarousal is a nervous system state where the body and brain begin to shut down in response to overwhelm. It’s sometimes called the freeze or collapse response — and while it can feel like numbness, fatigue, or detachment, it’s actually your body’s way of protecting you.
When we’ve endured prolonged stress, trauma, grief, or caregiving burnout, the nervous system may shift into hypoarousal as a last-resort survival strategy. You might feel disconnected from your surroundings, emotionally flat, or like you’re just going through the motions.
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Why Does Hypoarousal Happen?
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Your nervous system is built to respond to danger. When fight or flight isn’t possible — or has gone on for too long — the body may move into freeze.
This is not a conscious choice. It’s your body saying: “We need to conserve energy and shut things down to survive.”
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What Hypoarousal Looks Like
You may experience:
Emotional numbness or a sense of feeling “flat”
Disconnection from your body or surroundings
​Brain fog or slowed thinking
Extreme fatigue, even after rest
Low motivation or difficulty starting tasks
Feeling like you're watching life from the outside
Difficulty speaking, moving, or making decisions
Shame or guilt for not “snapping out of it”
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What You Need To Know
You are NOT lazy
You are NOT broken
You are NOT failing at healing
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If you’ve felt emotionally flat, unmotivated, or like you’re just “going through the motions,” this guide is for you.
It provides a few strategies to gently approach the nervous system, to help bring it back into the Window of Tolerance and begin gently reconnecting with yourself.
Hyperarousal
Hyperarousal is a nervous system state where the body shifts into high alert — often referred to as the fight-or-flight response. It’s the body’s way of preparing to protect you from a perceived threat.
This state is activated by trauma, grief, anxiety, or chronic stress — and while it can feel overwhelming, it’s not a sign that you’re “too emotional” or out of control. It’s your system doing exactly what it was built to do: mobilize.
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Why Does Hyperarousal Happen?​
When your nervous system senses danger — whether physical, emotional, or relational — it tries to keep you safe by heightening awareness and preparing for action.
This makes sense in a true emergency, but when you're stuck in hyperarousal long-term, it becomes exhausting. Grief, unresolved trauma, and caregiving overwhelm can all push your system into a prolonged state of alertness, leaving you wired but tired.
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What Hyperarousal Looks Like
You may experience:
Racing thoughts or spiraling anxiety
Irritability or sudden emotional outbursts
Panic or a sense of impending doom
Difficulty sleeping or staying still
A hyperactive mind with a fatigued body
Feeling overstimulated, jumpy, or like everything is “too much”
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What You Need To Know
You are NOT too sensitive
You are NOT broken
You are NOT failing at healing
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If you're feeling on edge, anxious or like your always keyed up, this guide is for you. It provides a few strategies to gently approach the nervous system, to help bring it back into the Window of Tolerance and begin gently reconnecting with yourself.