Losing a loved one to suicide is a profoundly challenging experience. In the immediate aftermath, it’s important to prioritize self-care and seek support. Here are some specific actions and strategies to help navigate this difficult time:
1. Allow Yourself to Feel
Recognize that grief comes in waves and may include a mix of emotions such as shock, sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. All feelings are valid.
Make time and space to intentionally check in with yourself and your grief. Assign a part of the house, a special spot outside, or in nature to spend intentional time with your grief. This is shown to help reduce the unexpected grief waves that naturally come in grief.
Understand the unique impact of suicide loss. The trauma associated with this kind of loss can be profound, and it may be helpful to seek specialized grief and trauma support from counselors specifically trained in suicide bereavement.
Recognize that your nervous system is likely in overdrive, overwhelmed, and in shock. This means your body may be stuck in a fight-or-flight response, making it hard to relax or regulate emotions. Calming practices, like intentional rest, grounding activities, or professional guidance, can help bring the nervous system back into balance.
Avoid putting pressure on yourself to "move on" or "be okay" quickly. Grief is a process that unfolds over time.
2. Build a Support Network
Reach out to trusted friends or family members to share your feelings. Let them know how they can help.
Consider joining a suicide loss survivor support group, either in-person or online. Speaking with others who have experienced similar loss can provide understanding and comfort.
Seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and trauma, especially one experienced in suicide bereavement.
3. Take Care of Your Body
Nutrition: Aim to eat balanced, nourishing meals even if your appetite is low. Small, frequent meals can help maintain energy levels. Try easy-to-digest options like soups, smoothies, or snacks with protein and healthy fats.
Consider incorporating supplements that support nervous system health, such as choline (to make acetylcholine), vitamin B12, magnesium, calcium, sodium, and omega-3 fats.
Avoid inflammatory foods like sugar, refined carbs, alcohol, and fried foods. Focus on eating plenty of green leafy vegetables, other veggies, and fresh fruits.
Hydration: Drink water throughout the day. Grief can lead to fatigue, and staying hydrated helps keep your body functioning. Avoid alcohol.
Movement: Engage in gentle physical activity such as walking, stretching, or yoga. Movement can release tension and boost mood through endorphin production.
4. Establish a Routine
Create a basic daily schedule to provide structure and predictability. This might include set times for meals, rest, and self-care activities.
Reintroduce small, manageable tasks or hobbies that bring you comfort or a sense of normalcy.
5. Rest and Sleep
Rest and sleep are crucial to grief processing. Grief often disrupts sleep patterns. Create a calming bedtime routine, such as dimming lights, listening to soothing music, or practicing deep breathing. Nap during the day; there is no need to "push through" when you are not sleeping well at night.
If sleep issues persist, consider consulting a healthcare professional.
6. Engage in Small Acts of Self-Care
Take breaks to do activities that soothe or ground you, such as journaling, meditating, gardening, or spending time in nature.
Enjoy relaxation aids like baths in Epsom salts, which are great for calming and relaxation. Add lavender or drink lavender tea for additional soothing benefits.
Massage and facials can also release tension and activate the vagus nerve. Consider incorporating these as monthly self-care rituals.
7. Practice Emotional Regulation Through Breathing and Bodywork
Deep Breathing Exercises: Intentional focus on breathing can calm the mind and body. Explore these exercises at: https://positivepsychology.com/deep-breathing-techniques-exercises/.
Restorative Yoga: This gentle form of yoga focuses on relaxation and deep stretching, helping to calm the nervous system and release tension stored in the body. It can be particularly beneficial during periods of intense grief and stress. Hannah Uiri's Rest As Trauma Healing: Restorative Trauma Informed Yoga: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khrrpjhTUaU.
Vagus Nerve Exercises: Activities that stimulate the vagus nerve can help regulate emotions. Try this resource: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1HCG3BGK8I&t=44s.
Yoga for Healing: Explore yoga videos tailored for trauma and stress:
Hannah Uiri's "Yoga for Self Love After Trauma": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uChrrQHj4UM
Adriene’s "Yoga for PTSD" (also suitable for general trauma, stress, and anxiety): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqVSwY8y3UY&t=2108s
8. Avoid Isolation
While it’s natural to want time alone, prolonged isolation can intensify feelings of grief. Try to balance solitude with connection.
If you’re unable to connect in person, consider phone calls, video chats, or texting with loved ones.
9. Limit Stressors
Delegate responsibilities where possible, such as housework or errands, to trusted individuals who can assist.
Avoid making major life decisions immediately after the loss, as grief can cloud judgment.
10. Seek Meaningful Rituals
Create a personal or family ritual to honor your loved one, such as lighting a candle, planting a tree, or writing a letter to them.
Engage in cultural, spiritual, or religious practices that bring you comfort.
11. Be Gentle with Yourself
Recognize that grief is not linear; it’s okay to have good days and bad days.
Give yourself permission to feel joy or laugh without guilt. Healing involves moments of light alongside the dark.
By focusing on self-care, reaching out for support, and taking one step at a time, it’s possible to navigate the immediate aftermath of loss. Healing is a journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone.
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